My heart burning red, the sunset robs me of words The depth of feelings and time that have both stopped, are equal Can you begin a trip with a single word? Tomorrow without him It's bitter, like beer for kids
You kissed my thin fingers I'll never forget you
Even though we're apart I remember our last kiss I remember it
In the beginning, everyone is a pure baby Even if you gnaw on the bitter truth Don't slouch, walk straight It's past, but in the rain it hurts so bad I'm lonely as floating ice You kissed my thin fingers I won't forget that warmth Even though we're apart I remember your kiss
If we won't understand no matter what I'm going to make sure of it, like a stream You can blame it on whatever or whoever Without disgracing the things you loved
You kissed my thin fingers I'll never forget you
Believing that we'll meet again someday I think about our last kiss I remember you crying And kissing my thin fingers Even if that is the end of it I won't forget our last kiss I won't forget it... I won't forget his kiss nice! lol.
theres a reason.... /// 12:13 pm
I m still going to stick to my old reasoning: There's a reason why EE is pronounced eee.
GAH!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
emblem identity /// 1:09 pm
This emblem is the third emblem of Alciato's Book of Emblems. This emblem is to show that "One ought never to procrastinate". Haha! The words on the hooves is "Never postpone anything". :X.... haha
Sunday, August 19, 2007
contemplation /// 10:15 pm
Well. During this time of abscence from the blog, not like anyone noticed......, I have been thinking alot.
Swearing is like a drug.
not this swearing:
this swearing: and i was thinking, swearing is like a choice drug. its like separated into different time periods, and like drugs, some prefer the older methods
17th century?: opium hell and damnation
80s: weed, marijuana Fuck! and Bastard!
Now: estacy, pot, ice, heroin MTFKR! EFFING! ....
Now i look at it, i think this post is rather obscene. Imagine I had to write this over two days... (well, I was tired WHAT.)
hahahahahahaha.....
Swiss Miss PWNS Milo. Badly.
I know this is VERY VERY VERY RANDOM. But then, heck cares. My parents had bought a cylinder full of it and its making me less stress! Hurray for natural antidepressants! I remember how my mum used to buy this for me ever since young. I thyink she probably got the habit of drinking Swiss Miss after staying in the US for a while. (WHY WASNT BORN IN THE US???!!??!) LOL. Then I could get this PR. or Citizenship. And then go there and study cheaply. I m too money minded. $_$ I said this to brandon too. except that it was canada. LOL.
its too easy to be carried away by your life.
I just came up with this idea while i was talking to someone. Shall not divulge. And then I just thought, so many people are probably at a worse point than me. sigh. I cant do anything though. sigh~.
Now is not the time to buy property in Singapore .
Anybody whose parents want to buy property in singapore now, DONT BUY NOW! Why? Because there is good chance that a property bubble is growing now and is ready to burst. If you buy now, you would probably end up mourning for a bad buy for the next 6-7 yrs. Unless you are able to sell it at a good price, you will be mourning a bad loss. I m actually sad that the Gilstead View apt is going to en-bloc. Because I was thinking if it wasnt I could stay there in the future. Its sooooooo close to Newton MRT! And just 4 bus stops away from Lucky Plaza...... :3..... sigh. but then most likely nxt yr en-bloc. sadz.
Summer's ending! >.< (squeal!)
Autumn is coming. And I heard many old songs. Japanese. Which attracted me.
Minmi - Who's Theme
From Samurai Champloo. (kyaaa!) LOL. I just finished the series and I was really touched by it. Because of the story line. Its just different. Really personal delivery of story. I really cant believe she sang that actually. Because it isn't really her style. And her tone of voice. Also, while you're watching it, watch Shiki No Uta by Minmi too.
Summer Time Love - m-flo ♥ Hinouchi Emi & Ryohei.
Haha. The starting is really really very interesting. Emi looks very very ah soh when she had above-chin-length hair. With that slightly revolting guy she was sitting with. But then she had her hair tied in a bun above her head she looked pretty young.
Love Song - m-flo ♥ Bonnie Pink
This is not a summer song, but then its stuck in my head too. And by this you probably guess that the next one is an m-flo song too.
Loop In My Heart - m-flo ♥ Yoshika and Emyli
This song is stuck in my head. This has another version, but then in it Yoshika sung very lamely. But then its oso cos Emyli had a very very strong voice. Imagine, she is just 19 years old. And when I first heard her I thought she was nearing 30. --"
thats all!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
My birthday! ` /// 4:01 pm
# 2001 - Hurricane Michelle hits Cuba, destroying crops and thousands of homes.
Lol. searched wiki and found this happened on my birthday. :x destruction!
Girl im in love with you This ain't the honeymoon Past the infatuation phase Right in the thick of love At times we get sick of love It seems like we argue everyday
[Bridge]
I know i misbehaved And you made your mistakes And we both still got room left to grow And though love sometimes hurts I still put you first And we'll make this thing work But I think we should take it slow
[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people We don't know which way to go Cuz we're ordinary people Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh) [Ordinary People Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com] This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh) This time we'll take it slow
[Verse 2]
This ain't a movie no No fairy tale conclusion ya'll It gets more confusing everyday Sometimes it's heaven sent Then we head back to hell again We kiss then we make up on the way
[Bridge]
I hang up you call We rise and we fall And we feel like just walking away As our love advances We take second chances Though it's not a fantasy I Still want you to stay
[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people We don't know which way to go Cuz we're ordinary people Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh) This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh) This time we'll take it slow
[Verse 3]
Take it slow Maybe we'll live and learn Maybe we'll crash and burn Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return Maybe another fight Maybe we won't survive But maybe we'll grow We never know baby youuuu and I
[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people We don't know which way to go Cuz we're ordinary people Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy) We're just ordinary people We don't know which way to go Cuz we're ordinary people Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh) This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh) This time we'll take it slow
This should be an anthem of humanity. But thats just my viewpoint. LOL. This song is old, but then its still touching in every way. Makes me think.... (==) i noe alot of thing i like makes me think but then, its nice to think, isn't it?
"We're just ordinary people, We don't know which way to go...."
:)
Monday, August 13, 2007
survey..about me. /// 5:10 pm
Appearance [ ] I am shorter than 5'4". [/] I think I'm ugly. [/] I have many scars. [/] I tan easily. [x] I wish my hair was a different colour. [ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair colour. [ ] I have a tattoo. [x] I am self-conscious about my appearance. [ ] I have/I've had braces. [x] I wear glasses. [ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. [ ] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger. [ ] I have more than 2 piercings. [ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears. [ ] I have one scar.
Family/Home Life [ ] I've sworn at my parents. [ ] I've run away from home. [ ] I've been kicked out of the house. [x] My biological parents are together. [ ] I have a sibling less than one year old. [ ] I want to have kids someday. [ ] I've had children. [ ] I've lost a child. [ ] I have a spoilt sibling.
School/Work [x] I'm in school. [ ] I have a job. [x] I've fallen asleep at work/school. [x] I almost always do my homework. [ ] I've missed a week or more of school. [ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years. [ ] I've stolen something from my job. [ ] I've been fired. [ ] Do home schooling.
Embarrassment [x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation. [ ] Disney movies still make me cry. [ ] I've peed from laughing. [x] I've snorted while laughing. [ ] I've laughed so hard I've cried. [ ] I've glued my hand to something intentionally. [ ] I've had my pants rip in public. [x] I fell down on my face.
Health [ ] I was born with a disease/impairment. [ ] I've gotten stitches/staples. [ ] I've broken a bone. [ ] I've had my tonsils removed. [ ] I've sat in a doctors office/emergency room with a friend. [ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed. [ ] I had a serious surgery. [x] I've had chicken pox.
Travelling [x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day. [x] I've been on a plane. [ ] I've been to Canada. [ ] I've been to Mexico. [ ] I've been to Niagara Falls. [x] I've been to Japan. [ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans. [x] I've been to Europe. [ ] I've been to Africa. [x] I've been to Asia [x] I've been to Australia [x] I've been to the US. [x] I've been out of my home country.
Experiences [ ] I've gotten lost in my city. [x] I've seen a shooting star. [ ] I've wished on a shooting star. [ ] I've seen a meteor shower. [x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas. [x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator. [ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts. [x] I've been to a casino. [ ] I've been skydiving. [ ] I've gone skinny dipping. [x] I've played spin the bottle. [x] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. [ ] I've crashed a car. [ ] I've been skiing. [x] I've been in a play. [ ] I've met someone in person from MySpace. [ ] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue. [ ] I've seen the Northern lights. [ ] I've sat on a roof top at night. [x] I've played chicken. [x] I've played a prank on someone. [x] I've ridden in a taxi. [ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. [x] I've eaten sushi. [ ] I've been snowboarding.
Relationships [X] I'm single. [ ] I'm in a relationship. [ ] I'm engaged. [ ] I'm married. [ ] I've gone on a blind date. [ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper. [x] I miss someone right now. [x] I have a fear of abandonment. [ ] I've gotten divorced. [x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. [ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't. [ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did. [ ] I've kept something from a past relationship. [ ] Kissed a girl/guy.
Sexuality [ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex. [x] I've had a crush on a teacher. [/] I am a cuddler. [ ] I've been kissed in the rain. [ ] I've hugged a stranger. [ ] I have kissed a stranger
Honesty/Crime [x] I've done something. [ ] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't. [ ] I've snuck out of my house. [x] I have lied to my parents about where I am. [x] I am keeping a secret from the world. [x] I've cheated while playing a game. [x] I've cheated on a test. [ ] I've run a red light. [ ] I've been suspended from school. [ ] I've witnessed a crime. [ ] I've been in a fist fight. [ ] I've been arrested.
Drugs/Alcohol [x] I've consumed alcohol. [ ] I regularly drink. [ ] I've passed out from drinking. [ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months. [ ] I've smoked weed. [ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them. [ ] I've eaten shrooms. [ ] I've popped E. [ ] I've inhaled Nitrous. [ ] I've done hard drugs. [ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. [/] I can't swallow pills. [ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem. [/] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression. [ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder. [ ] I shut others out when I'm depressed. [ ] I take anti-depressants. [ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic. [x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it. [/] I've hurt myself on purpose. [ ] I'm addicted to self harm. [x] I've woken up crying.
Death and Suicide [x] I'm afraid of dying. [x] I hate funerals. [ ] I've seen someone dying. [ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide. [x] I've planned my own suicide. [ ] I've attempted suicide. [x] I've written a eulogy for myself. [ ] I cut myself.
Materialism [ ] I own over 5 rap CD's. [x] I own an Ipod or MP3 player. [x] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga. [/] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece. [ ] I own something from Hot Topic. [ ] I own something from Pac Sun. [ ] I collect comic books. [x] I own something from The Gap. [ ] I own something I got on eBay. [ ] I own something from Abercrombie. [ ] I love Gamers magazines. [ ] I buy the newspaper everyday.
Random [/] I can sing well. [ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant. [ ] I open up to others easily. [x] I watch the news. [ ] I don't kill bugs. [x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme. [/] I curse regularly. [ ] I sing in the shower. [ ] I am a morning person. [ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone. [ ] I'm a snob about grammar. [ ] I am a sports fanatic. [x] I twirl my hair. [ ] I have x’s in my screen name. [/] I love being neat. [x] I love Spam. [ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day. [x] I bake well. [ ] My favourite colour is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue. [ ] I've worn pajamas to school. [ ] I like Martha Stewart. [ ] I know how to shoot a gun. [x] I am in love with love. [ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. [x] I laugh at my own jokes. [ ] I eat fast food weekly. [ ] I believe in ghosts. [ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message. [ ] I haven’t turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class. [ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. [x] I am really ticklish. [ ] I love white chocolate. [ ] I bite my nails. [/] I play video games. [x] I'm good at remembering faces. [ ] I'm good at remembering names. [ ] I'm good at remembering dates. [x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. [x] I have been on the computer when I am as sick as a dog.
Lol.... havent been doing much stuff
Sunday, August 12, 2007
30 rock /// 3:11 pm
Lol watching 30 rock right now. Haha. The gay ex-page boy and the current page boy. OMG. LOL so funny...... ok.... nvm...its getting weird............ ): haha.... lemon is so funny.... and then in the end dont need her to win the case. LOL. haha.
Bloody tired. Duno why. Just tired.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
A Second Chance /// 1:25 am
GOD has given me another chance. I shall start anew.
Its comforting to know that GOD has given you another chance. And amazing how he lets you know it. (:
Friday, August 10, 2007
/// 12:00 am
I was telling gracia about my predicament and she did this:
Dear Lord, I pray for my friend mish that u continue to show her more and more of urself each day, for Lord, in this world, we need ur love and care our hope and our trust is in u, heavenly father, and i noe that u'll never betray our trust Dear Lord, in your mighty name, let mish understand ur truths! Coz Lord, it is u who opens our eyes to you it is u who draws us to ur Son, not by man I pray for ur protection for her, and her family protect them and care for them in Shanghai and continue to bless them always, coz u love us and want the best for us, even though it doesnt seem like the best sometimes Whatever fear, or depression, or watever, Lord, may u give her peace in her heart for u are the prince of peace, and u are able to understand how we feel completely. She is in ur hands always Lord. I thank u for giving us this time to talk and share. And i thank u for loving us always, even though we dont feel loved, or dont feel worthy of being loved. IN JESUS ' NAME I PRAY AMEN
I cried.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Crumbs /// 12:11 am
After talking to Siwon on Facebook, i was pretty depressed. And weird. I couldnt really concentrate on Fate/Stay Night and i lost interest. And Samurai Champloo. Which is extremely weird. NOOO!!!!!!
Why has the emo-ness has gotten to me? EMO-CONTEMPLATIVENESS. not good. I took a test. On depression. And i had moderate-severe. --------------------- darn. it doesnt look good.
In fact, I m a little more afraid of the future than i was before. Darn it. Also have to do with Fate/Stay Night also. Cos of the 'paths' that they have to consider in order to touch the 'Holy Grail'. Wonder wonder wonder. I can't get rid of it. It stays on me like a parasite, leeching onto its dear life.
Now looking at SAT. Shit. How i hate doing this stuff. Especially when you are lost.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
nodame cantabile /// 1:29 pm
AIIIIIEEEE!!!!! nodame cantabile! LOL so cute! AAAAHHHH!!! Nodame reminds me of aemilia. LOL. Hahaha.... except for the unhygienic part. lol! makes me want to play piano again.... but here no piano.... ): haix. i miss my old piano *sniff sniff*
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
i m still watching.... - - " /// 7:57 pm
Haha.... still watching..... POOR REID! omg. religious extremists. or rather schizophrenic religious extremist.
i hope he doesnt get addicted to the drugs that Tobias gave him.....
edit: he did. this is getting a leeeettttlllllleeee too predictable..
p.s.: darn, wanted to watch NUMB3RS. but i m late.
Criminal Minds - Again! XD /// 12:35 pm
haha began watching it again. Lol......... i do have to say that nathan looks nice wearing all black, but then he reminded me of a vampire, cos his shoulder was almost 90 deg. LOL....... haha
Now when i look at my playlist, i wonder to myself "Why the hell did i get those songs?" Haha. especially when i look at melody.'s songs. I think that melody. has no real verbal talent actually, just that some songs she can do it well, but other than that no. I think i m still more suited for corinne bailey rae type of songs, slow, rnb-ish,
There are 16 letters in your name. Those 16 letters total to 83 There are 7 vowels and 9 consonants in your name.
Your number is: 11
The characteristics of #11 are: High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer.
The expression or destiny for #11: Your Expression number is 11. The number 11 is the first of the master numbers. It is associated with idealistic concepts and rather spiritual issues. Accordingly, it is a number with potentials that are somewhat more difficult to live up to. You have the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by your own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make you an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work you pursue, you are very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of your environment. Your intuition is very strong; in fact, many psychic people and those involved in occult studies have the number 11 expression. You possess a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this you can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, you will do better and be happier outside of the business world. Oddly enough, even here you generally succeed, owing to your often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, you are more content working with your ideals, rather than dollars and cents.
The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Your thinking is long term, and you are able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. You are disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of your contemporaries. You are deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form.
The negative attitudes associated with the number 11 expression include a continuous sense of nervous tension; you may be too sensitive and temperamental. You tend to dream a lot and may be more of a dreamer than a doer. Fantasy and reality sometimes become intermingled and you are sometimes very impractical. You tend to want to spread the illumination of your knowledge to others irrespective of their desire or need.
this is freakishly accurate to a certain degree. except for the negative part.
Your Soul Urge number is: 5
A Soul Urge number of 5 means: The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.
In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.
You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.
ok accurate, to a certain degree. but then i am not pace setter.
Your Inner Dream number is: 6
An Inner Dream number of 6 means: You dream of guiding and fostering the perfect family in the perfect home. You crave the devotion from offspring and a loving spouse. You picture yourself in the center of a successful domestic unit.
now this is, complete BS. cos i dont want it.
criminal minds /// 7:51 pm
awwwwww..... saw first few episodes of criminal minds..... feel sad, cos elle became someone screwed. But then who wouldnt be screwed up if someone came into your house and then shoot you senseless. haix people change..............
Also saw second episode of Bones. LOL.... all the forensic or psychoanalysis type of shows. Hmmm. Reid rocks my socks, but then the spectacles that he wears in season two is so FUGLY. haix.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
thinking and thinking. /// 3:54 pm
Last night, i was reading chrno crusade. It was okay, considering that it didnt have a sappy ending. Its was unfinished, but then it held onto the belief that chrno would come back. It made me think, and think and think...............................................till i fell asleep. and i forgot what parody i could make with it. if i was a emocon, then i would be a head that looks totally grumpy and with a mini hurricane next to his head. Yes im that pissed that i forgot my idea. AIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!! this is so sucky.
I've been thinking whether i should play trickster. But then it sounds like runescape, just with nice graphics and 可愛い characters. hmmm. not worth my 400mb space.
Now i feel like listening to Anytime - Crystal Kay through out. Its so, RnB.... (hint hint: I hinting that Sony Music pay me for advertising her CD over and over again in this blog.... beh, not like my blog so popular like Xiaxue's blog.)
haha talking about xiaxue, i find that intellectual blogs arent so that popular, but blogs that are strongly under this category seem to fare well. Like: - cam-whoring.
Xiaxues blog, or any other bimbo kid you can find in singapore have these types of blogs.
- sexually liberal
either those that like to show their bare-nakedness, (SarongPartyGirl , thank god she stopped.)
or those that enjoy saying words related to sex (Maddox, who does not update that frequently now.)
Yeah, these blogs seem to be very popular. Unlike blogs that talk about everyday life.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
OMG its a saturday! /// 11:04 am
Its saturday...... yes, you insufferable twit. havent realised it was friday yesterday....WOW. you certainly have time pass by you quickly. shut up.
(if you havent realised, this is a conversation between me and my inner self.)
kk............................
Siwon looks like a boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD haha all the little girls come looking at her think think that she is a 哥哥. OMG LOL. hahah..........
nothing to write now. later!
Friday, August 03, 2007
lame me smses /// 11:45 pm
haha. its late at night i know, but then i had to post it up. DISCLAIMER: Its lame, so dont sue me.
Siwon: What would i do without you?
Me: Die?
Siwon: Probably would have jumped from the window instead.
LOL..... haha i noe i noe lame lame. Who ask me to be LAM-er (if you dont know, LAM-er is a pun that me and li ji! came up with me after being in the same bio tuition class by Mr Lam, the author of the bio textbook! {GASP!} [its the green one with the spider and tiger on it. and he doesnt have a christian name ] you can find his picture in it somewhere next to a tree. really. i kid you not. )
haha. we are lam-e!
WORKAHOLIC /// 11:44 am
WORKAHOLIC
作詞: H.U.B. 作曲: Koichi Tsutaya
Baby I’m a workaholic I gotta shine in my life 明日も hard work to do
ソファで靴を履いたまま 眠ってオフィスから朝帰り シャワーを浴びてメイクして 今来た道をまた逆戻り
週末 for my love スケジュールは空けておいたから 映画でも with you それまで気持ちは my line is busy now
※Baby I’m a workaholic I gotta shine in my life たどり着けるはず way to my dreams Baby I’m a workaholic I gotta shine in my life 明日も hard work to do Weekend loveaholic I wanna shine in your love 愛という名前の medicine to me. Weekend loveaholic I wanna shine in your love いつでも I’m loving you※
忙しい時思い出す あなたのことそれは baby feel so good いつも支えてくれるから 私は前を見て歩けるの
週末 for my love 疲れてるbodyにも Friday night tonight 踊りたい with you それまで気持ちは my line is busy now
(※くり返し)
uh 今は聞かないで 仕事と恋はどちらが大事? you know 夢を失くしたら 私は私じゃなくなるから wonderful love wonderful dream wonderful love wonderful dream 譲れないすべて
(※くり返し)
my goodness. This song is so addictive that whenever i hear it i want to do work. Mad eh? LOL. haha. Its one of the good songs in the album, but then i dont understand it wasnt released as a single. I think many people would like it.
now, i shall write in chinese. for the sake of just in case.
i hope they would revert back to the old blogger html. Its frustrating.
depression, the new trend. /// 9:03 pm
I've been stuck listening to Butterfly's Garden. by Crystal Kay
07. Butterfly’s Garden Album All yours (2007) Singer: Crystal Kay 作詞: H.U.B. 作曲: NAO TANAKA kanji, romaji: corichan.com translation: underthemoon.wordpress.com
あなたのすべてに目が離せないの I can’t take my eyes off you, all of you 気になる蝶々を 追いかけるみたい it’s a feeling like chasing a butterfly. あなたのすべてが私を揺らすの you, all of you, make me swing 気持ちを静めて つかまえさせて calming my feelings, catching me
* ここから遠くに もう行かないで from now on, I can’t go far away あなたの場所が今あるから because, now, there is your place, 誰かの空に ねぇ飛ばないで I can’t fly to the sky of someone else, こんな気持ち 夢ならいいのに if this feeling is just a dream, it’s ok. ah 今日はなぜか怖いの ah today somehow, the scary wind 風がとても強くなって せつない became so strong, so painful.
ひとりの部屋からあなたを想うと alone in my room, I think of you. 眠ってしまえば忘れられそうで if I sleep for good, maybe I will forget. ひとりの部屋だとなんだかこのまま alone in my room and somehow I keep with this sensation, あなたに会えないそんな気がする I can’t meet you.
私の近くで 感じてほしい when you’re near me, 愛しさは伝えきれなくて I want to transmit this love to you so much もどかしいほど まだ言えなくて that it gets more and more irritating . こんな気持ち 夢かもしれない This feeling must be a dream… ah 夜がとても長いの ah the night is so long… 月の色が消えかかって 哀しい the moon’s color is fading away, so sad.
* repeat
Somehow this is how i feel. I feel this, and sometimes, its no longer a thought, but a physical feeling. Have you ever feel hurt so much that you feel that it really hurts? I do now. every single time i hear this song. I dont know why i feel so attached to this song like Perfume by Yuna Ito. I become so immersed in this song i can literally feel the pain. Is this normal? I dont know. All I know is that it will take long for me to cope with this. Its not caused by a person though. Its caused by the entire whole situation. I feel so helpless. Normally i can just abandon those feelings like a happy go lucky rabbit, but then now, its just......difficult.
I remember Shervon saying that I am more emotionally inclined which is true. I can't remember what she said about my future husband (something mature or sumthing?). But she said that i was most likely to have many kids (which is what Aemilia wanted.) which is also what i dont want. I sound like this typical career woman that always says ' no kids' and then when she marries she goes breeding like bunnies. Thats not what i am. I choose not to have kids because of fear. Of pain, of sadness, and of me.
Its not rational is it? to be scared of one's self? that one day you might finally go crazy with sadness/ shock/ whatever that causes me to go crazy? or i might just become very headstrong about my suicidal thoughts? that i might spawn another depressive kid? Or become besotted with another person like my dad? I have too many questions that a simple 17 year old cant answer. We are all simple. Its just that intelligence seem to separate each one from another. But deep down inside, most of us is of the same composition, same structured double stranded helix DNA. (unless you are genetically mutated, well what can you say)
This makes me want to address this situation that has been going on in the world for quite a long time. In the past, have you even heard of anti-depressants? In folktales? Probably poverty makes one sad, but their pleasure come from simple things or events. You havent heard people being obsessively sad that they commit suicide over small things.
Depression isnt a sickness. Its a culture now. A number of kids take anti-depressants now. (this is a NORMATIVE statement. dont come hankering after me just because you think that this is a biased viewpoint. Just face it. EVERYONE is biased, even the Chief Justice in your county/country/city) and they say it nonchalantly. Its like ' I take Lexapro! Its okay for me.' like this is normal. In the past, we would say she has depression. Some random person would be " OMG. Is she okay? Is she receiving treatment? How is she now?" and yada yada yada questions in concern to the current situation of the person. But now, its so................. normal. And we see antidepressant ads everywhere.
(i think you can click it for bigger view.) I mean you can see this right smack in the middle of a teenage magazine. Seriously. (in America so far) Are we that afflicted? Is it so commonplace that it no longer has the same effect that it had in the past?
I think we should question ourselves what its going on. What is so bad about this world that depression has become a commonplace affliction. How is it that many children with comfortable lifestyles ( in fact abundantly provided for) are being depressed? How is that so? Is that even insanely possible?
It seems so ironic that a kid in the sixties would be " If i have a car when i grow up, i would be happy!" And then he finds himself in the situation 30-40 years later, well-to-do, with car, and depressed. It all seems to stem for the need of wants. How ironic and cruel this world actually is! We are trapped in this vicious cycle of wants and we keep on wanting the unattainable. When was the last time you felt truely satisfied, sated, or the simplest word : happy? I think that would be hard to say, for me that is.
I cant say anymore......... I m too overwhelmed again. Healing would have to take time.
li ji's request! /// 7:50 pm
haha. by request of li ji! lol. this is the only photo i have of me in full school uni.... but this is winter wear ( note the black outer jacket not school uni.) LOL. and the banana was what we did during our TOK lesson. (sorry Che Min, we werent paying full attention to your Jung ppt!) haha.... we do lame stuff. Me, Siwon and Christine. I might be the extra lame person here, but i didnt initiate the note taking on a banana. wow. something lame i didnt start. LOL. haha (siwon's on the left, christine on the left. taken in march. during our trip to yunan for IB 'CIP') and then example of our summer uni (shirt) is well the photo of my jr (Benny) and chris. yeah, i dun have much photos of my self ( li ji i dun cam whore. but then i got lots of siwon's camwhoring ==" ) lol. btw, the skirt for summer is the same thing as winter, just made of thinner fabric. and no stockings! yay!.... --" anyway, yeah, basically thats all of the photos. And i have another one of me.... but then vulgar sia. XD. (purposely make small.)
This emblem is the third emblem of Alciato's Book of Emblems. This emblem is to show that "One ought never to procrastinate". Haha! The words on the hooves is "Never postpone anything". :X.... haha
(i think you can click it for bigger view.) I mean you can see this right smack in the middle of a teenage magazine. Seriously. (in America so far) Are we that afflicted? Is it so commonplace that it no longer has the same effect that it had in the past?
haha. by request of li ji! lol. this is the only photo i have of me in full school uni.... but this is winter wear ( note the black outer jacket not school uni.) LOL. and the banana was what we did during our TOK lesson. (sorry Che Min, we werent paying full attention to your Jung ppt!) haha.... we do lame stuff. Me, Siwon and Christine. I might be the extra lame person here, but i didnt
initiate the note taking on a banana. wow. something lame i didnt start. LOL. haha (siwon's on the left, christine on the left. taken in march. during our trip to yunan for IB 'CIP') and then example of our summer uni (shirt) is well the photo of my jr (Benny) and chris.
yeah, i dun have much photos of my self ( li ji i dun cam whore. but then i got lots of siwon's camwhoring ==" ) lol. btw, the skirt for summer is the same thing as winter, just made of thinner fabric. and no stockings! yay!.... --" anyway, yeah, basically thats all of the photos. And i have another one of me.... but then vulgar sia. XD. (purposely make small.)