depression, the new trend. /// 9:03 pm
I've been stuck listening to Butterfly's Garden. by Crystal Kay
07. Butterfly’s Garden
Album All yours (2007)
Singer: Crystal Kay
作詞: H.U.B.
作曲: NAO TANAKA
kanji, romaji: corichan.com
translation: underthemoon.wordpress.com
あなたのすべてに目が離せないの
I can’t take my eyes off you, all of you
気になる蝶々を 追いかけるみたい
it’s a feeling like chasing a butterfly.
あなたのすべてが私を揺らすの
you, all of you, make me swing
気持ちを静めて つかまえさせて
calming my feelings, catching me
* ここから遠くに もう行かないで
from now on, I can’t go far away
あなたの場所が今あるから
because, now, there is your place,
誰かの空に ねぇ飛ばないで
I can’t fly to the sky of someone else,
こんな気持ち 夢ならいいのに
if this feeling is just a dream, it’s ok.
ah 今日はなぜか怖いの
ah today somehow, the scary wind
風がとても強くなって せつない
became so strong, so painful.
ひとりの部屋からあなたを想うと
alone in my room, I think of you.
眠ってしまえば忘れられそうで
if I sleep for good, maybe I will forget.
ひとりの部屋だとなんだかこのまま
alone in my room and somehow I keep with this sensation,
あなたに会えないそんな気がする
I can’t meet you.
私の近くで 感じてほしい
when you’re near me,
愛しさは伝えきれなくて
I want to transmit this love to you so much
もどかしいほど まだ言えなくて
that it gets more and more irritating .
こんな気持ち 夢かもしれない
This feeling must be a dream…
ah 夜がとても長いの
ah the night is so long…
月の色が消えかかって 哀しい
the moon’s color is fading away, so sad.
* repeat
Somehow this is how i feel. I feel this, and sometimes, its no longer a thought, but a physical feeling. Have you ever feel hurt so much that you feel that it really hurts? I do now. every single time i hear this song. I dont know why i feel so attached to this song like Perfume by Yuna Ito. I become so immersed in this song i can literally feel the pain. Is this normal? I dont know. All I know is that it will take long for me to cope with this. Its not caused by a person though. Its caused by the entire whole situation. I feel so helpless. Normally i can just abandon those feelings like a happy go lucky rabbit, but then now, its just......difficult.
I remember Shervon saying that I am more emotionally inclined which is true. I can't remember what she said about my future husband (something mature or sumthing?). But she said that i was most likely to have many kids (which is what Aemilia wanted.) which is also what i dont want. I sound like this typical career woman that always says ' no kids' and then when she marries she goes breeding like bunnies. Thats not what i am. I choose not to have kids because of fear. Of pain, of sadness, and of me.
Its not rational is it? to be scared of one's self? that one day you might finally go crazy with sadness/ shock/ whatever that causes me to go crazy? or i might just become very headstrong about my suicidal thoughts? that i might spawn another depressive kid? Or become besotted with another person like my dad? I have too many questions that a simple 17 year old cant answer. We are all simple. Its just that intelligence seem to separate each one from another. But deep down inside, most of us is of the same composition, same structured double stranded helix
DNA. (unless you are genetically mutated, well what can you say)
This makes me want to address this situation that has been going on in the world for quite a long time. In the past, have you even heard of anti-depressants? In folktales? Probably poverty makes one sad, but their pleasure come from simple things or events. You havent heard people being obsessively sad that they commit suicide over small things.
Depression isnt a sickness. Its a culture now. A number of kids take anti-depressants now. (this is a NORMATIVE statement. dont come hankering after me just because you think that this is a biased viewpoint. Just face it. EVERYONE is biased, even the Chief Justice in your county/country/city) and they say it nonchalantly. Its like ' I take Lexapro! Its okay for me.' like this is normal. In the past, we would say she has depression. Some random person would be " OMG. Is she okay? Is she receiving treatment? How is she now?" and yada yada yada questions in concern to the current situation of the person. But now, its so................. normal. And we see antidepressant ads everywhere.
(i think you can click it for bigger view.) I mean you can see this right smack in the middle of a teenage magazine. Seriously. (in America so far) Are we that afflicted? Is it so commonplace that it no longer has the same effect that it had in the past?
I think we should question ourselves what its going on. What is so bad about this world that depression has become a commonplace affliction. How is it that many children with comfortable lifestyles ( in fact abundantly provided for) are being depressed? How is that so? Is that even insanely possible?
It seems so ironic that a kid in the sixties would be " If i have a car when i grow up, i would be happy!" And then he finds himself in the situation 30-40 years later, well-to-do, with car, and depressed. It all seems to stem for the need of wants. How ironic and cruel this world actually is! We are trapped in this vicious cycle of wants and we keep on wanting the unattainable. When was the last time you felt truely satisfied, sated, or the simplest word :
happy? I think that would be hard to say, for me that is.
I cant say anymore......... I m too overwhelmed again. Healing would have to take time.
